Reader Question:

I was buddies using this lady for a while. She left her sweetheart. We’ve been texting lots – like 200 communications a week. We hold acquiring blended signals from the girl, and that I really like the girl. Can I do it? But I don’t need destroy the friendship often. We in addition hang out, and I think she searches for me personally inside halls.

-Ivan S. Bently (Kansas)

Expert’s Response:

Hi, Ivan. Thank you for trusting us because of this vital personal problem.

There are a lot of opportunities to describe what’s happening right here, but i’d like to supply my “take.” First, you state she is sending blended indicators, which most likely indicates the cougar woman near me is puzzled and never clear on what she wants.

She could continue to have ideas or expectations the connection she simply remaining, or she could be waiting for you to help make a step. She can still maintain the healing process, and she may not be prepared to be seen publicly with another man yet.

Texting may be her method of speaking out and hooking up now while she finishes mentally disconnecting from the woman ex. She can also be baffled if the woman relationship available often looks likes its developing into some thing bigger, but she is unsure in the event that you “like” like their.

As for you, Ivan, you’re in a rather precarious spot now. She actually is regarding rebound and requirements emotional help. She trusts you and seems better when she offers some texts or hangs away to you. She looks for you into the places because she loves you, within one means or any other, and that is the place you need to be mindful. Should you decide put the relationship initially above the fascination with dating their as a girlfriend, you’re in really serious threat of being directed on “friend area,” that is an arduous spot to getting away from.

My personal guidance to you is to obtain together with their and talk physically. It should be earlier and quicker than an actual time, nonetheless it will give you a notion if she desires to see you or perhaps not. Inform the lady she must move out and just take an hour to chuckle appreciate by herself and also you would really love the chance to communicate with this lady in a little more degree, too. Choose a spot in which friends never ever go – maybe a Starbucks anywhere – so she’s going to feel like her privacy has been shielded.

Ask their exactly how she actually is undertaking and in case she is undoubtedly completed along with her ex. Spend very close attention to her body language. Is she tilting closer or away? Is actually she big-eyed and smiling, or detached and considerate? Is actually she behaving “girly” or like somebody?

There’s one more thing you should do: inform their in an exceedingly matter-of-fact way that you love her. Next cannot state another term. She has as the following one to talk. Have a look this lady squarely from inside the vision so she will visit your power along with your sincerity. Boldly and confidently understand her neck or hands. Just be sure she understands you are interested in the woman in an intimate man-woman type of way.

Be strong and kind but never emotional or hopeless. Make the lady wish come to you for all the nurturing and comfy guy you may be and never your good child who’s “safe” and ordinary. Her true ideas and intentions should display themselves as dialogue unfolds.

Go for it,

Nick